


(Un)Planned Parenthood

by rightforlife



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Pepper Potts, Bruce is prime Uncle material, Fluff, Gen, Irondad, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Parent Pepper Potts, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Wonders How This Is His Life Now, So is Rhodey, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-10-24 06:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17699648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightforlife/pseuds/rightforlife
Summary: When Tony takes Peter in after May's sudden death, he does so with the understanding that he, and by extension Pepper, would be there for the kid in a strictly mentor-esque manner. Nothing more, and nothing less - because who were they to replace what he had lost? Fortunately, they fail. Miserably. And the kid wouldn't have it any other way, regardless of how embarrassing it can be at times.OrFive times Pepper and Tony were literally the definition of Mom and Dad, and one time Peter showed the world what an amazing son he was.





	1. Chapter 1

When May Parker died on a seemingly innocuous Thursday after ingesting improperly cooked puffer fish at one of New York's finest eateries, the first thing that Tony did (after suing the restaurant for all it was worth) was talk to Pepper.

He paced up and down their room, occasionally checking with FRIDAY to make sure that the kid - who had cried himself to sleep - was safe in the guest room. Eventually, after Pepper's seventeenth sigh (he was counting), he stopped right in front of her, dropped down to one knee, and declared:

"I'm adopting him." Saying the words out loud had a finality that Tony didn't expect. "The paperwork's already here, so all I have to do is give my signature. I know that you didn't sign up for this,  _for_ _any of this_ , and we're gonna have a lot of lifestyle changes, and I need to baby-proof the Tower, but...." He cleared his throat, staring at her lap. "I'm adopting him."

And Pepper, bless her soul, just gave him a look through watery blue eyes that screamed  _of-course-you-dingus_ and nodded, pressing a kiss to his head. 

" _We're_ adopting him." She corrected, taking in her betrothed's (she'd been around Thor for _way_ too long) wide eyes and open mouth. After everything they had been through, how could he possibly think that she wouldn't be in his corner? But then she realized that Tony had relied on himself and only himself his entire life, and the one time that he had let people in, it had backfired in the worst way possible.

Steve Rogers was definitely  _persona-non-grata_ in her book. (And she had several of them).

"He's a good kid." She told him, pulling him up until they were standing. Pepper looped her arms around his neck, pressing her head to the covered metal on his chest, taking comfort in the soft whirs she heard.

"The best." Tony muttered, his hands resting on her waist. "He doesn't deserve this, Pep. He's only  _fifteen!_ He's all that's good in the world, sunshine and happiness rolled up into a five-foot-seven ball of energy."

She opened her mouth to say something, but went on. "And now he's alone again, scared and hurting. God Pepper!" Tony let go of her and sat down on the bed, his head in his hands. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"He's not alone, Tony." Pepper sat next to him, taking his hand in hers. "He has you." 

He snorted in that self-deprecating way that Pepper hated.

"He has you." She repeated firmly. "And me, and his friend Ned. Even Bruce and Rhodey care about him, you know they do. Yes he's scared, and yes, he's hurting, but with our help, he'll be alright. I promise."

"We're not his parents, Pep." Tony whispered harshly. " _I_ don't know how to be a dad. I'm not even a good human being! He knows that. I can't be there for him like May and Ben were. I can't sprout words of love and affection because I don't feel - "

"Stop right there." Pepper commanded, turning Tony's head until he was looking at her. "Don't you dare tell me that you don't care for him. Because I know when you're lying Anthony, and you  _can't_ lie about this."

"I can't be his father." Tony swallowed the lump in his throat and ignored the tightening in his chest. He wasn't blind. He knew just how much the kid looked up to him. He was also well aware that in the seven months or so that he'd been around the kid, Peter had grown on him, crawled under his skin and into his heart, burrowing himself so deeply that he could never be extracted.

But he couldn't be what Peter needed. How could he when Tony had no idea what it was like to have a dad. Howard Stark's parenting style had been hands-off to say the least, non-existent to be honest. Tony had grown up alone, essentially raising himself - with his parents floating around in the periphery, always there whenever he screwed up and not a moment before.

"Be what you can to him." Pepper said in that infuriatingly calm voice of hers. "But be there for him, Tony. Because he needs you, whether he says it or not."

And Tony just nodded silently, his mind whizzing at a breakneck speed.

Pepper was right. Of course she was. Tony couldn't be Peter's dad, but he could be someone that supported him, gave him a shoulder to lean on, who was there when it mattered, who would pick him up when he fell down, guide him in the right direction. 

Like a mentor.

Exactly like a mentor.

Nothing more, nothing less.

(Telling himself that didn't make it the truth).

* * *

  **I.**

A week into Peter's stay with him, Tony realized that keeping things professional with the kid was impossible.

He'd expected Peter to push him away, to sulk and scream and do everything he could to leave. But as usual, Peter had a way of bucking every expectation. He'd been quiet, almost unnaturally so, after the funeral. He agreed to everything that Tony said with a  _yes Mr. Stark_ , movements mechanical and devoid of any emotion. It was so completely un-Peter, that Tony was worried.

And when Tony worried, good things tended not to happen.

It had taken seven days, but Peter was finally moving into the Tower. Officially, that it. His days in the guest room were over. The apartment in Queens was paid off, as were May's debts, and all loose ends were tied. Peter Parker's new guardian was officially Tony Stark, and the kid was too caught up in the events of the past week to really have that information sink in.

At least, that's what Tony believed.

He was scrutinizing his ward carefully, observing how Peter watched as all of his meager belongings were transferred into a room (the room that Tony had designed for Peter long before May had died) with detached, glazed eyes, watched as Tony's trusted staff set up his things in the ultra-modern, every-teenager's-wet-dream bedroom, before turning on his heels, and running straight past Tony (who was supervising) into the bathroom, to hurl the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

His feet carried him to Peter before his mind caught up, one hand running a hand over the boy's back, murmuring soothing things that didn't make sense to his own ears. He winced when the kid dry heaved several times, tears running down his face.

"I'm sorry Mr. Stark! I didn't mean to do that! I thought I could keep it in but then I saw the picture of Au...Aunt May and me and I just....I- "

"Shut up." Tony cut off Peter's hysterical babbling gruffly, staring into terrified, wet brown eyes that reminded him of a puppy's. A kicked puppy's. Truth be told though, Tony was glad that Peter still was capable of talking a hundred miles a second. It reminded him of what the boy had been like before all of this.

"I'm sorry." The kid mumbled, pushing himself up so he could stumble blindly to the sink and clean up.

"Stop apologizing." Tony glared at Peter who looked at him through the mirror. Jesus the kid looked like hell. Those normally vibrant eyes were dull and forlorn, his hair limp and slightly greasy. The clothes he was wearing looked to be baggier than usual. He stood with a hunch, his shoulders sagging, face completely pale.

"C'mere kid." Tony didn't give Peter a chance to protest, pulling him into a hug. His arms wrapped around the boy's shorter frame tightly, not even flinching when Peter's unnaturally strong limbs hugged him right back, clutching his shirt, wetness seeping through the material.

They didn't loosen their hold on each other for a while, not until Peter let out a garbled cough.

"We're there now, Mr. Stark. Right?" Peter's words were muffled by Tony's shirt, but he heard them nonetheless.

Tony just snorted. "Yeah underoos. We're there."

Peter remained silent, just pressing himself further into the older man's warmth. "Good."

And that's how Pepper found them two minutes later, a soft smile on her face as she took in her two favorite boys holding each other as though they were each other's life lines. Which, she supposed, they were.

She was jolted from her reverie when Peter gently extracted himself from Tony to give her a hug as well, murmuring a quiet _thank you_ in her ear. It was the first hug she'd ever received from him, and she wasn't quite able to keep her lips from trembling, or her eyes from tearing as she buried her nose into the boy's hair, holding him close to her.

Her eyes met Tony's above Peter's head. Something that she wasn't sure she wanted to put a name to welled deep in her gut, traveling up until she had fire in her eyes.

_We're going to be fine._ She told Tony silently, her gaze as fierce as a lioness protecting her cub.  _He's going to be fine._

Tony just let out a laugh, startling Peter. Seeing Pepper,  _his future wife_ , holding Peter as if it were most natural thing to do filled with with unadulterated warmth. She hadn't even known him for that long, heck, neither had he, but Peter really was an expert at making everyone love him. He had never wanted children, and Pepper always had. They'd had the argument countless times, and Tony had always told her that any kid with his genes was doomed from the beginning.

Pepper firmly believed that nurture could override nature, and that he had nothing to be scared of. 

With Peter....a middle ground had been reached.

"I'm not okay." The kid's voice was so soft, Tony wondered if he'd imagined it. 

"We know." 

"I'm not okay." Peter repeated, his eyes distinctly red. "But I will be."

Faced with that much conviction, all Tony could do was nod. He was proud of Peter. In order to receive help, one had to admit that they had a problem. Peter was much like Tony in many ways, never one to ask for anything from anyone until it was too late.

He really needed to get the kid to stop that. It would get him killed one day.

Not that he could talk.

"And we'll be here Peter." Pepper kissed his forehead gently. "Always."

She said nothing as the boy nodded into her neck, his body shaking ever so lightly.

Tony was there, next to them, his hand hovering protectively over Peter before he gave into instincts and smoothed ~~his~~ the kid's wayward locks. He let out a shaky breath, wondering when this child had become the most important thing in his life.

Who was he kidding? Only a mentor? Yeah right. He was blasted so far out of mentor territory that it wasn't funny.

_Congratulations_. He thought to himself ruefully, tugging both Peter and Pepper into his arms.  _It's a teenager._

 

"So..." Pepper gave him a look as they walked to the living room, letting the kid have a shower in peace. She glanced at the wet spot on his shirt and the sappy look on his face.

"Yeah." Tony shrugged, not quite able to keep his lips from curling upwards. 

Pepper hummed, chuckling when Tony stuck his tongue out at her.

"We comforted a crying child." He let out a breath, bemused wonder in his tone. "And didn't screw it up."

"Parenting win." The woman agreed, sticking out her hand for a high-five which Tony gladly gave her. "The first of many, I hope."

"Yeah." Tony said, suddenly finding the leather of his sofa very interesting.

"The kid's favorite breakfast is chocolate chip and gummy bear pancakes." Happy's voice drifted towards them, startling the engaged couple.

"We need to get you a bell." Tony muttered, shooting the smirking man a glare. "And why would you tell me that?"

Happy shrugged, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed across his chest. "Tomorrow's Sunday. National Family Breakfast Day."

The man ignored Tony's  _that's not a thing_   to say, "Just thought it might pique your interest." He gave them both one last smirk and sauntered out of the room, a jaunty skip in his step.

"We're not making that." Tony said the moment Happy was out the door. 

"No one said we were." Pepper bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"He has a super-fast metabolism. He needs carbs and fats and protein! Not sugar." Tony frowned. "Well not  _too much_ sugar." He amended with a cough.

"Okay." The woman humored her fiancé, lacing her fingers through his.

"I am  _not_ feeding him that!"

"I know."

"And stop laughing at me!"

 

 

 

(Peter might have pouted at the distinct lack of gummy bears in his chocolate chip pancakes, but he ate every single one that was placed in front of him with what may, or may not have been tears in his eyes. They couldn't have known that Sunday breakfast was a huge deal in the Parker household, because Peter had never told anyone except Ned how important it was. But they'd tried, tried for  _him_ , and he was so grateful for these people that he felt as though he could burst. And when he went back to his room, only to find a huge bag of his gummy bears on his bed, along with a note that said  _You have a dentist's appointment next Wednesday. Don't fight me on this,_ he nearly sobbed from laughing too hard. Tony and Pepper were not his parents. They were not Aunt May and Uncle Ben either. Yet...Peter knew that with a bit of time, they were going to be something much more than that).

(And for once, that didn't scare him).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony overthinks, Pepper frets, Peter wants to hide, and Bruce and Rhodey tag along for the ride.  
> Alternatively: Peter has a parent-teacher conference, his not-parents are nervous wrecks (until they're not), and his not-uncles can't believe how fun this all is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thank you so much for the wonderful responses! It's been pretty fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter! It's a bit longer than I thought it would be...  
> Warnings: Mention of bullying  
> Also, realized I didn't make it clear in the last chapter, but May left Peter to Tony in her will.

**II.**

It spoke volumes about Bruce's new life that he didn't so much as look up when the doors to his lab burst open, revealing the figure of a very frazzled Peter Parker who ignored the curious faces of Bruce's subordinates, promptly burrowing himself into the large moon chair in the corner of the room that was _absolutely not_ placed there for the kid's comfort.

"Dr. Banner?" A nervous looking fresh-faced intern pointed at Peter's sullen posture. "Should we....um.....ask him to leave or something?" Behind the young man, Bruce saw the other interns and lab-techs watching the conversation intently even though they were doing a relatively decent job at pretending to work.

Bruce knew that Peter's presence in the Tower, especially in R&D, was somewhat of a mystery. Anyone who had met him knew the kid was smart, like crazy smart, but no one was too sure as to who he was, or why he could waltz into any room he wanted like he owned it.

_Because he will someday._ Bruce thought to himself ruefully.  _Peter's going to inherit all of this when the time is right._

"It's fine." He smiled. "Peter just needs a break from, um, school, I'm sure. Right kiddo?"

With his enhanced hearing, Peter had definitely heard the question. His response was a muffled groan as he twisted in the chair until his feet rested against the wall and his head was in the seat of the chair.

It was endearing really, to see how the boy who had been all bulging eyes and squeals of excitement the first time he'd met him, had now become comfortable enough with him to act like a teenager instead of the pseudo-adult persona he tried to omit.

"I'm  _dying_." Peter moaned, hands covering his face. "Please put me out of my misery Dr. Banner!"

"Tony would kill me if I did, Pete." Bruce walked over to the boy, taking the seat opposite him on the couch. He'd converted the very end of his lab into a cozy living area where he could enjoy a cup of tea or take a nap if he so wished.

It had also, much to his bemusement, become a place where others thought they could spill their woes to him without a second thought.

"Take fifteen." He told his staff, focusing his attention on Peter. "So...you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"No." Peter muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's....stupid."

"Nothing that makes you feel like you're  _dying_ is stupid." Bruce chuckled as Peter righted himself with a graceful flip.

"I'm exaggerating." The boy said quietly. "It really is nothing."

"But it does have to do with Tony, doesn't it?"

Peter wrung his hands together, curling up until his chin rested on his knees. "It's just...Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts...they've been so  _nice_ , you know? I mean, it's been two months since Au..." He cleared his throat, blinking a few times. "Since Aunt May died, and they're letting me live with them and eat their food and intrude on their personal life and....I'm kind of just waiting for the other shoe to drop." He looked up at Bruce through wet lashes, appearing to be so much younger than his fifteen years.

"They care about you." Bruce stated firmly, knowing that he had to be direct with the kid. As expected, stammering denials were already falling from Peter's mouth, crimson tinging his cheeks. "They care about you." He repeated. "More than you know."

"Mr. Stark put a tracker on my watch that monitors my vitals and can give him video of where I am at all times." Peter deadpanned, holding up his wrist to display a snazzy looking gadget that was a lot like the one he had on his own wrist. "Is that his way of caring?"

"I can see how you might think that this is a bit much." Bruce ignored Peter's scoff. "But he's just trying to look out for you the best he can. His actions always speak louder than his words."

The boy was silent for a moment, his chin resting on interlocked fingers, face screwed up in contemplation. It was such a Tony-esque look that Bruce had to smirk. "It's just....overwhelming I guess." He started softly. "This is my life now, where Tony Stark tracks my every move while Pepper Potts tucks me into bed and stays with me till I go to sleep."

"She does that?" Bruce murmured, both brows raised.

"Sometimes."

"That's..."

"So weird that I don't even know where to start?" Peter finished with a sardonic tilt to his lips. "Yeah. I know."

"Are you not comfortable with it?" He asked. "Does it bother you?"

"No!" Peter immediately denied, his voice no higher than a squeak. "It's just that Aunt May used to do things like that when I was younger." He bit his lip, staring at the floor. "She stopped when I told her to because it's not cool for pre-teen to be  _tucked in_."

"So you like it." Bruce deduced, leaning against the couch. "Are you upset that you like it?" He'd been the victim of Pepper's mother-henning tendencies one too many times as well. While he genuinely enjoyed the sisterly affection she bestowed upon him, he could understand why Peter - who had recently lost the only mother he had ever known - would be uncomfortable by the maternal care that Pepper was showing.

Once again, the boy's face turned a magnificent shade of red. "I'm a bit old for that stuff."

"You're a kid." Bruce admonished him lightly. "You've been through so much in such a short time, Peter. They're just making sure you're okay."

The teen let out a weary sigh, mussing his hair until it resembled a bird's nest. "I know. I've always known. But they're just so.... _extra_." He groaned. "Like yesterday, I accidentally got hurt cutting an apple and suddenly Mr. Stark's trying to get me into Medbay while Ms. Potts is on the phone with Dr. Cho. About a little cut that healed in like a minute! I've been hurt way worse and not seen a doctor! I had a building collapse on me and didn't need a doctor!"

Peter immediately paled.

Bruce stared, understanding in that moment why Tony had put that tracker on his kid.

"Pretend you didn't hear that!"

"Too late." 

Peter exhaled harshly, a small mirthless laugh falling from his lips. "I don't want them to think that I'm a burden."

He really needed a cup of tea, Bruce thought. Because dealing with teenage angst was absolutely not in his job description. This kid really had no idea that he was pretty much the center of Tony, and even Pepper's world. "You're not a burden, Pete." He assured the boy, dismissing the incredulous look on Peter's face with a wave of his hand. "You're  _not_."

"But I  _am_!" Peter shot back, springing up to his feet. "I didn't realize it back when everything was happening because I was so grateful to not be in foster care and too caught up in my grief, but...." The look he gave Bruce was that of defeat. "They're stuck with me now. At least till I'm eighteen. Or at least Mr. Stark is, seeing as how he's my guardian."

_He doesn't know about the adoption_. Bruce realized after a moment, dissecting what the kid had said slowly. This family needed to work on their communication skills.

"And now Mr. Stark is kind of obligated to do things that all guardians or p....parents do." Peter continued shakily. "But he's such a busy person...and Ms. Potts is even busier...that I can't expect them to drop everything and come to my school for - " He shut his mouth abruptly, determinedly avoiding looking at the older man when it became clear that he'd talked too much.

"For?" Bruce pressed, slightly amused in the knowledge that this long winded rant about being a burden and other nonsense stemmed from the fear that Tony and Pepper wouldn't be there for something obviously important to Peter.

The boy shot him a glare, breathing heavily.

"For?" He tried again, giving Peter a look that he'd seen on Tony's face many times.

Finally, the kid huffed and sat back down, mumbling "parent-teacher conferences" into the cushion of his chair.

Bruce wouldn't laugh. He really wouldn't. It didn't matter how hard it was to suppress the rumble of mirth that built in his chest, threatening to erupt from his mouth, he would. not. laugh.

"You're laughing." Peter accused sullenly.

"Do you hear me laughing?"

"Your eyes are."

The kid had a point.

"How's this Peter." Bruce leaned forward till he was eye-level with his pseudo-nephew. "You tell Tony or Pepper about the conference, and if they really can't make it, I'll go instead."

Brown eyes widened in disbelief. "You would do that?"

"Is that so hard to believe?" He asked mildly. "They're not the only ones who have your best interests at heart."

"But you don't even know me that well!" Peter blurted out before instantaneously backtracking. "Wait, that came out wrong. I'm super touched that you...um...you like me and all and I'm not being ungrateful, am I? I hope I'm not! You're kind of my science idol -"

"Don't let Tony hear you say that."

"And you're pretty awesome and I'm just me so it's just a bit weird to know that you um... _care_ for me in that way."

"You're not too bad yourself, Mr. genius-teenage-superhero-decathlon champion." Bruce cuffed the boy on the shoulder, ignoring the flush on his own cheeks at the praise he had just received. "And it's pretty hard not to like you.

"Thanks." Peter rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Talk to them." Bruce advised, standing up just as his staff returned from their break. He ruffled Peter's hair fondly, idly musing that it was pretty similar in texture to his own.

"Okay." The kid shifted his weight between his legs, glancing around the room shiftily. His mouth suddenly pursed up in determination, and Bruce found himself on the receiving end of a rather strong embrace that ended as quickly as it started.

"Thanks Dr. Banner!" He yelled, sprinting to the door. He stopped, turning to face the physicist once more. "For everything." 

"Anytime kiddo." Bruce waved with a touch of wonder as the Other Guy perked up in his mind, a jolt of something akin to tenderness flitting over him. He watched Peter leave, the small smile on his face not disappearing.

"Who  _is_ that kid?" Someone whispered with exasperation, not nearly as quietly as they had hoped when Bruce turned to the woman in question with a smirk.

"That is the future of this company right there." He shrugged, inwardly chuckling at their dumbfounded expressions. "He's also kind of my nephew and he's definitely going to take over the entire universe with rambling sentences and pure  _goodness_." Looking over his staff, he clapped his hands once, startling them from their daze. "Let's get back to work, shall we?"

But before he delved deep into the riveting alien spores he had under his microscope, he shot a quick text to Rhodey.

_Peter has a parent-teacher conference coming up, and freaked out because Tony and/or Pepper would have to go._

The reply was nearly instantaneous.

_He's going to be so embarrassed. Especially because Tony doesn't realize that every third sentence he speaks is about Peter._ A few seconds later, Bruce received another message. _This is too precious to miss._ _We NEED to go too._ He snorted. That was pretty much a given. Someone had to make sure that Tony didn't do something stupid. And even if Pepper came along, she was almost as bad about everything related to Peter as Tony was. They both needed to learn how to keep their cool around the boy.

_Of course._

_The kid came to you, didn't he? Before going to Tony?_

_Yup._

_Don't tell Tony._

_I would rather die first._

_Peter's going to need so much therapy in the future._  There were five laughing-so-hard-i'm-crying emojis (Bruce wasn't sure what the technical term was). _Luckily we have you._

_I'm not_ that _kind of doctor._

_SUUUUREEEE._

 

* * *

 

 

"He's avoiding us, isn't he." Pepper let out a breath, her features twisted in sadness. She put down the book she was reading to sigh morosely once more.

Tony wrapped an arm around her, tugging her to his side. "It's a phase." He said with confidence he didn't have. Truth be told, it hurt that the kid had pulled away from him, from  _them_.

This is what Peter must have felt like after Tony had ghosted him for months before the Vulture incident. He deserved the boy's cold shoulder, that much was for sure, but Pepper sure as hell didn't.

He should have been alarmed at how easily Pepper had gotten attached to him, maybe even a bit jealous. Instead, every time he saw them in the same room together, with her hands on the kid's shoulders, or carding through his hair, he couldn't help the rush of affection spread through his body like the best kind of virus.

Tony just wished that physical displays of fondness came as easily to him as they did to Pepper. Besides that one hug after the kid had heaved his guts out in front of him, Tony hadn't mustered the courage to do it again, and Peter hadn't pushed either.

"I want him to be comfortable around us, or around me I guess." Pepper admitted into Tony's chest. "You and Peter already have this great thing going, and sometimes I feel like I'm intruding."

"He adores you, Pep." Tony reassured her, thinking back to the first time Peter had met Pepper. "Did you know that he spent hours reading articles and watching videos on you? He took notes, Pepper!  _Took notes_! All because he didn't want to feel stupid about not knowing anything about you."

Pepper blinked, mouth curling up in a wry smile. "Is that why he brought all that Greek food when we finally met each other, because he read that I liked it?"

"He also went to that Indian place you like in the Bronx just to get a mango lassi, but it spilled all over his suit when he was swinging through the city." Tony rolled his eyes with mock exasperation. "I spent the next two days getting it out of his suit all while listening to him ramble on about how he had ruined dinner because he couldn't get you your favorite drink....besides tea."

He could tell that his fiancée was flattered by the way Pepper dipped her head down demurely. She let out a tinkling laugh and scooted closer to Tony, draping both arms around him.

"He's the sweetest child I've ever met." Pepper murmured with a touch of melancholy. 

"Yeah." Tony agreed, staring up at the ceiling. "He'll come around sweetheart. I know he will. All we can do is give him a bit of time."

"Boss, Peter is requesting entry to your room. Shall I allow him to come in?" FRIDAY's voice filled the room.

They sat up immediately. 

"See?" Tony grinned smugly. "Time."

"Yes FRIDAY." Pepper said, picking up her book again in an odd attempt to look nonchalant.

The doors opened, revealing a cautious and sheepish looking teenager. Tony watched his eyes widen as he took in the sight of the two adults lazing around in bed.

"Nice shirt Ms. Potts." The kid gushed, pointing to her  _Lemme Give You a Hulk_ shirt with a very angry looking green rage monster extending his arms out menacingly.

"She's a traitor." Tony grumbled before Pepper could say anything. She poked his side in retaliation, earning a yelp from him. "See!" He scowled, rubbing the sore spot. "Traitor."

"Is everything okay?" Pepper ignored his grousing. "Do you need help with your homework?"

"Wha - no!" Peter shook his head, wringing his hands together. "I um...I have something to tell you."

"Did you finally ask that girl out. What was her name?" Tony tapped his nose as if that would help him remember. "DJ? JP?"

"MJ." Pepper gave him a look that Tony wasn't sure he liked. It was the  _stop-embarrassing-our-kid-see-how-red-he-is-already_ look that he was most definitely going to ignore because he lived for this kind of stuff.

"So....did you? Because that would be something worth celebrating. How's this. I'll rent out that hole-in-the-wall Italian joint you love and you can put your best moves on her. Then afterwords, if everything goes well, you can bring her back to the penthouse and - "

"MR. STARK!"

"Tony!"

Peter and Pepper shouted at the same time, one in squeaky horror, the other in annoyed amusement.

"I didn't ask her out." Peter frowned. "I don't even think she likes me."

"Sure she doesn't."

"What is it Peter?" Pepper asked gently, slipping into her role as surrogate mother with fluidity that sent a pang of envy down Tony's spine.

"It's nothing really." The kid mumbled. "I mean, it's not that important, and you can totally say no if you're too busy." He swayed back and forth a bit, reminding Tony of a small tree caught in a strong gust of wind. "But um...next Friday I have this thing after school. Well it's not really for me, it's for you guys, I mean not  _you_ in particular, but for all...uh...guardian people."

"Guardian people." Tony repeated, one side of his mouth quirking up.

"You know what I mean!" The boy threw his hands up. "We have parent-teacher conferences next week! And like I said, you don't have to go if you have meetings or equally important things to do because you're important people and this is - "

"Important too." Pepper cut him off. "Peter, I think what you don't understand is that our priority is  _you_."

His mouth dropped open. "But I'm just..." He stumbled back a bit.

"Do me a favor kid, and don't finish that sentence." Tony raked a hand over his stubble wearily, recognizing a skewed self-image when he saw it. "We'll be there." He said firmly, pulling out his Starkpad to see that he had a meeting with Everett Ross scheduled for next Friday. He postponed it without a second thought. 

"What time is it at?" Pepper had pulled out her own tablet, and a quick peek over her shoulder told Tony that she had canceled a dinner with board members. 

"It'll start at around five and end by six thirty at the latest." Peter spoke hesitantly, as if waiting for them to tell him that this was all a joke. "My teachers will all be in the gym, and you just have to go around from teacher to teacher."

"Do your teachers know that we...Tony is your guardian now?" Pepper bit her lip. "Do your classmates."

The look on Peter's face spoke volumes.

"It's not that I don't want people to know," He began consolingly. "But it's a bit unbelievable isn't it? That  _you_ are my pa...guardians?" He laughed awkwardly, tilting away from them. "They already don't believe me about the Stark Internship, and they won't believe me if I told them the truth. I think only Principal Morita knows that I'm living with you."

Tony and Pepper exchanged a glance.

"Would us being there cause problems for you?" Tony asked as seriously as he could. 

"Not really." The kid sighed. "Maybe a little? But if it gets out that you guys are living with a fifteen year old kid, won't that cause more problems for you?"

"Do you not want us to come?" Pepper frowned. "Should Happy go instead?" She sounded disappointed.

"Dr. Banner already volunteered in case." Peter muttered.

"Okay, we're definitely going to come back to how you went to  _Bruce_ before us, but if it means that much to you, we'll just go in disguise." His tone might have been matter-of-fact, but inwardly panic was setting in.

He'd never actually thought of the consequences of taking Peter in. It had certainly been there in the back of his mind, but today was the first time it came to the forefront. The media were bloodthirsty piranhas, especially when it came to him. He couldn't do that to Peter, not when the kid had already been through so much turmoil in his short life. Plus, they had to think about Spider-man. It was well known that Iron Man and the spiderling were allies. He couldn't risk anyone tying Spider-man to Peter Parker.

Not yet at least.

He probably should tell the kid that he'd already filed for adoption too. But that was a conversation for another day.

"Disguise." Peter repeated flatly, one brow raised in vague disbelief. 

"Disguise." Tony smiled blandly. "No one will even know it's us!" He shot Pepper a beseeching glance. "Right honey?"

"Right." Pepper huffed, rolling her eyes. 

"Are you serious?" 

"As a heart attack." Tony quipped, earning glares from both Pepper and Peter. 

"So you'll come?" Peter asked, not quite efficiently hiding the hope in his voice.

"We'll be there." Pepper nodded, slipping out from under the covers to tug Peter into a hug. Tony saw the way the boy stiffened for just a moment before melting into her arms.

"Thanks." He said softly, looking at Tony over Pepper's shoulder. An increasingly familiar churning began in Tony's stomach, one that he'd come to associate with mushy fondness. "It means a lot to me."

"Do you need me to walk you to bed?" Pepper untangled Peter's gangly limbs from her body. 

"It's alright." The kid shook his head shyly. "I think I can find my way back just fine."

"I will assist Boss Junior in any way I can." FRIDAY piped up, sounding surprisingly eager.

"Boss Junior?" Peter muttered incredulously, not seeing the amused faces of his guardians.

"Goodnight sweetheart." Pepper kissed him on the forehead, tousling his brown locks affectionately. Tony cringed at the expectant look in his  fiancée's eyes.

He cleared his throat. "Night kiddo."

Pepper crossed her arms over her chest, tilting her head to one side as if to say  _really_?

With a sigh, Tony threw his legs over the side of the bed and stepped in front of Peter who gazed up at him with Bambi eyes.

What was he supposed to do again?

"G...Goodnight Mr. Stark." Peter stammered.

"It's Tony." He replied wearily. "I've told you seventy-eight times so far to call me Tony. And yes - " He smiled sardonically at Peter when the boy opened his mouth. "I've counted."

His hand hovered over Peter's shoulder awkwardly. Even though they'd established that they  _were there_ , Tony wasn't comfortable in showing physical displays of affection.

But as he saw the shutters closing over his kid's face, saw the disappointment he tried to valiantly hide, Tony put aside his discomfort and tugged the kid towards him, allowing Peter to briefly tuck into his side.

"Sleep tight Underoos." He murmured into the kid's hair.

"Y.....yeah, okay. I will." Peter cleared his throat adorably, leaning in to Tony one last time.

The boy slowly walked to the door, turning to say something, but closing his mouth at the last second. Instead, his face did that thing it did when he had a thousand thoughts going through his mind - making the kid seem like he was constipated. 

"Bye!" He squeaked out, almost bumping into the wall in his haste to leave. "Thank you!"

"So that happened." Pepper said a few moments after Peter left, wonder in her words.

"Parent-teacher conference, huh? And in a public setting too." Tony scratched his chin. He flopped down on the bed, only to grunt when Pepper did the same right on top of him.

"We're going in disguise, remember?" She straddled his legs with a smirk. "Brilliant plan."

"It'll be fine." Tony snickered, his hands coming to rest on her slender waist. "We'll be fine. It's just a parent-teacher conference. People do it all the time! And we're parents, I mean we're not, but we kind of are."

"Uh-huh." Pepper turned her face away from the man to hide her wide grin. Did Tony realize that he, like Peter, had a tendency to ramble at times?

"We'll be great at this!" He muttered defensively, daring Pepper to refute him. "Just watch."

* * *

 

"What the hell is  _that_?" 

Tony put down the flesh-like substance in his hand almost guiltily, turning to see the incredulous face of his best friend of thirty some years.

"Sodium tetraborate." Tony lied unconvincingly.

"That's not borax." Rhodey crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against a lab table with far too much nonchalance for Tony's liking.

"It's a variation of it." He shrugged, tossing the thing down. 

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Being an idiot."

Tony scoffed, fiddling with a pipette idly.

"Is this about Friday?" Rhodey smacked his head. "About the conference? Is that what has your panties in a twist?"

"How did you know?" He looked up at the older man, annoyance running through him at the amusement on his friend's features.

"Bruce."

"Bloody traitor."

"You're just angry that the kid went to Bruce before talking to you." Rhodey chuckled. "You should be thanking him, you know. He convinced Peter to talk to you in the first place."

"He's  _my_ kid." Tony mumbled petulantly. "Why can't he just come to me?"

"Because you're  _you_." Rhodey huffed, walking over to Tony and placing a hand on his shoulder. "You're  _Tony Stark_ , the man who owns the world."

"I do not."

A raised brow was all he got.

"Tones, you're pretty much the most recognizable person in any galaxy. And Pepper isn't that far off. The two of you are taking care of a kid together. Pete's not stupid, in fact he's smarter than all of us. He knows that if it gets out that you and the missus are his parental guardian people, the fallout won't be pretty." The man's gentle tone took an edge off of the sting of his words.

"The kid said the same thing." Tony shook his head, sighing loudly.

"See, smarter than all of us."

"I told him me and Pep would go in disguise." He didn't have to see Rhodey's face to know that the man was gaping.

"Jesus."

"Thou shalt not take thy Lord's name in vain."

"I'm more of a believer in the older religions. Especially since I share a pint with the God of Thunder every few weeks or so."

"How quaint."

"Tony." Rhodey squeezed the younger man's shoulder after a moment of silence. "You're thinking too hard man. Lighten up."

"I can't!" He tugged at his hair in visible frustration. "What if I screw this up? What if I disappoint him? What if I'm not cut out to be a parent? I can't let Peter go through what I went! I won't become my father!" His breath came out harsher and harsher until he felt himself being pushed into a chair.

"Breathe, Tones." Rhodey soothed in his ear. "Deep breaths. That's it. A few more times." A hand ran up and down his back, easing him back into reality.

It took a few minutes, but his heart rate slowed down, as did his racing mind.

His cheeks burned with shame as he swallowed roughly. Staring up at his best friend, he let out a little snort at the concern that radiated off of him. "I'm pathetic."

"No." Rhodey snarled lowly, tilting his chin up until they were looking at each other. He saw the anger simmering in the man's dark eyes, realizing that it wasn't meant for him. "You're human."

"You're not going to screw this up because there's nothing  _to_ screw up." Rhodey flicked him on the forehead none too gently.

"Ow."

"You go there, in whatever disguise you choose - I'm guessing that's what you're making right now." He pointed to the slightly malleable goop on Tony's table. "Hear his teacher's sing praises about your kid, and tease the everlasting shit out of him after. Okay?"

Tony rolled his eyes, not hiding the smile that curled up on his lips. "Okay."

"Good." Rhodey patted him firmly on the back, straightening his posture. "And don't worry about anything! Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Bruce will be there to make sure that everything goes smoothly." He was out the door before the younger man could say another word.

"Yeah yeah." Tony paused, the smile abruptly dropping from his face. "Wait  _what_? Rhodey! Honey bear? Sugarplum? What does that mean? COME BACK!"

 

* * *

 

"...and that's why we absolutely can't have Happy drive us there!" Pepper flailed her arms around before slapping them down on her thighs.

A light snore met her ears.

"Are you  _sleeping_?" She leaned over and twisted her companion's ear, watching as he let out a high-pitched yelp.

Bruce coughed, wiping his eyes tiredly. He squinted at Pepper before grimacing. "What were you saying?"

"I can't believe you weren't listening to me." Pepper twirled a lock of red hair around her finger. "Did you hear anything I said?"

"You're worrying about nothing." The man yawned. "Everything's going to be fine."

"You don't know that." She shot back, smoothing out the folds in her skirt.

"Actually I do." The doctor smiled kindly. "This job....being a parent....no one expects you to be perfect at it. The fact that you're going in the first place means a lot to Peter. Let's say something happens. I don't know what, but just imagine that maybe ....you know what, I can't imagine a scenario where a  _parent-teacher conference_ goes wrong Pepper." Bruce blew out a breath.

"It's us." Pepper shrugged. "Things always go wrong." She did manage to laugh though, recognizing that she was being slightly ridiculous.

"You're worried about your kid." Bruce said in that infuriatingly knowing way of his. "It's understandable."

"He became  _my kid_ in such a short period of time." Pepper confessed. "Even before he came to live with us. He's made Tony a better person, and I love him for it."

"He's also the purest person in the world." Bruce said dryly. "It's like he only sees the good in us."

"Which is exactly what Tony needs." Pepper nodded, licking her chapped lips. "I know that I'm overreacting, but I can't stop myself. I've can handle misogynistic businessmen and the media no problem so why can't something as simple as meeting Peter's teachers be so nerve wracking?"

"You're out of your comfort zone." The doctor stated simply. "Both you and Tony are. But as they say, practice makes perfect. You'll adjust, he'll adjust too. He is after all, going to inherit Stark Industries one day. He needs to get used to the life of the rich and famous as much as you need to stoop down to the level of working dads and soccer moms."

"We really should tell him that we're adopting him."

"The sooner the better." Bruce agreed with a wry snort. Pepper saw him eye her with compassion. "Everything will work out. Don't worry."

"Easy for you to say." Pepper sighed. "You won't be there."

She didn't like the little quirk in Bruce's mouth. 

"Hm."

"Bruce." She started slowly, narrowing her eyes. "You  _won't_ be there, right?"

"Yep."

" _Bruce_."

"Oh would you look at the time! I must get back to work!"

"It's the middle of the night..."

"I'm nocturnal."

" _Ugh."_

 

* * *

 

 "When this is over I'm murdering you both." Tony growled lowly, pushing the wheelchair that Rhodey was sitting in a bit harsher than needed. He discretely adjusted his prosthetic nose - one that was larger and longer than his own, but still looked normal. 

"Don't talk that way to your father." Rhodey rasped in a pretty convincing 'old man' voice. "I didn't raise you to be so disrespectful." He had shaved his head completely, and was clad in a tweed sweater with a knitted blanket over his lap to hide his prosthetics. With the aid of a Hollywood makeup artist, he looked about thirty years older than he was.

Next to them, Bruce, who was the least likely to be recognized, straightened out the baseball cap on his head and snickered lowly. He was actually dressed in non-rumpled clothing for once, wearing a dark dress shirt with jeans.

The two idiots had met them outside of Peter's school and promptly informed Tony and Pepper that under no circumstances were they leaving.

"I can't believe we're doing this." Pepper muttered, eyeing the crowd of parents uneasily. She straightened out her brunette wig, hoping that her simple skirt and top would blend in with the other mothers. Luckily, it seemed as though she'd made the right choice.

Tony looked down at the spider-man tee and slacks he'd worn. It was a bit too casual for his taste, so he'd added a blazer as well. He'd also chosen to put on a cap and glasses. Coupled with his fake nose, he didn't look too much like Tony Stark at all.

"Shall we?" Bruce opened the door with a crooked grin, completely ignoring the mutinous glare that Tony gave him. 

The gym was too hot with too many people. He flinched when someone brushed up against him, only the gently press of Pepper's hand against his bicep stopping him from lashing out.

"I'm having flashbacks." Bruce wrinkled his nose.

Tony took in the garish posters and oppressive chatter that surrounded him. He'd only been to this school once, and that had been after May had died to sort out some paperwork and register himself and Pepper as both guardians and emergency contacts. The Principal seemed like a decent man, if a bit rigid.

"There he is!" Pepper spotted Peter handing out pamphlets to other parents, his eyes darting around nervously. Next to him was a familiar Asian kid, Ned or Ted or something like that. Peter's  _guy in the chair_.

Ted recognized them first, his eyes widening as his stack of pamphlets fell to the floor. He furiously began tapping Peter's shoulder, whispering something in the kid's ears that had all the blood draining from his face.

Without further ado, The quartet walked (or wheeled) towards Peter and his friend. Tony couldn't help winking at his ward who was staring at him - all of them - as if they were out of their minds.

Which they probably were.

" _What is this_?" Peter hissed, looking around frantically. His friend still hadn't picked up his pamphlets, choosing to gape at them instead.

"I told you we'd come in disguise." Tony clapped his kid on the shoulder. "So here we are"

"But why are  _they_ here?" Peter gestured to Rhodey and Bruce, panic coloring his features.

"To make sure nothing goes wrong." Rhodey said sagely. "And kid, as of right now I'm your Grandpa James, okay?"

"Oh my  _god_." The kid groaned, turning to his friend who looked as though he was two seconds away from dying happily.

"Hey Eddard." Tony waved at the other boy cheerily.

"Lord Stark." Not-ted intoned faintly. "I mean Mr. Stark sir! And  _ohmygod  you're Dr. Bruce Banner!_ And Mr. War Machine! It's an honor to meet the Avengers." He glanced at Pepper. "And the Boss Lady."

"Not here we're not." He hushed both kids. "Are our disguises that see through?"

"Only to anyone whose seen you before." Peter snarked, raking a hand over his cheek.

But no one around them seemed to be paying the odd group much attention. So clearly something was working.

"Here." Peter thrust a few pamphlets into his hand, which Tony promptly dumped in Rhodey's lap.

" _Ahem!"_  The Principal - Jim Morita - stood on the bleachers, a loudspeaker in his hand. "May I have your attention please! We request that all parents find their children. Students, please hand your parents a copy of your schedule."

Peter gave a crumpled piece of paper to Pepper.

"Most of you know the drill already! You may visit your child's teacher in any order you wish to. Parents can talk with their child's teacher for as long or as short as they would like to. Refreshments are available in the cafeteria. Thank you and have a pleasant evening!"

"Go to Ms. Warren first." Peter instructed them, exchanging a pained look with his friend. "She's the closest to us, and my Physics teacher." He looked at all of them, but stared at Tony the hardest. "Please don't embarrass me. Like seriously, try to tone it down by 98%. Please."

"When have I ever embarrassed you, kid?" Tony placed his hand over his chest, shaking his head dramatically.

"We promise." Pepper assured Peter, smacking Tony on the arm.

"Have no fear, Grandpa James is here." Rhodey grabbed Peter's hand, much to the kid's horror.

"Just go." Peter closed his eyes. "She's over there." He said, pointing to a middle-aged African-American lady.

"Thank you Peter." Pepper wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "We're going for pizza afterwards so don't eat too much in the Cafeteria, okay?"

"Got it." The boy smiled weakly. "Um. Have fun?"

"Oh we will." Tony rubbed his palms together, pushing Rhodey's wheelchair towards the Physics teacher. "This is going to be fantastic."

 

* * *

 "Dude..." Ned poked his face. "What even is your life?"

Peter covered his face with both hands, moaning into them.

"A  _goddamn_ disaster." 

* * *

 

"Hello." Peter's physics teacher greeted them warmly. "I don't believe we've met before. I'm Monica Warren."

"My name is uh, Anthony S..."

"Stank." Rhodey interrupted him, flashing the teacher a winning grin. "I am James Stank. This is my son Anthony Stank, and his wife Virginia Po - "

"Potter." Pepper finished, holding her hand out to the teacher.

"And I'm her brother Henry." Bruce added. "But everyone calls me Harry. Harry Potter."

The woman stared.

Tony fought the urge to smack his fellow scientist over the head. Of all the times to develop a sense of humor, this was absolutely not one of them.

"My wife and I - " God did it feel good to call Pepper his wife. "Are Peter Parker's new guardians."

Ms. Warren stiffened immediately, her eyes flitting from person to person before coming to rest on Tony again. A shiver of unease ran down his spine. Maybe this was a bad idea - coming in disguise. Any teacher in the school could look at Peter's profile to know that his guardian's real name. 

"Um." She coughed. "Right. Mr. and Mrs. er...Stank." The woman's lips twitched minutely. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

"So how's our boy doing?" Tony got straight to the point, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute.

"Peter is at the top of his class." She said, as direct as he was. "He's a wonderful student and a very sweet boy." She rummaged through a folder next to her feet. "Here," She handed a sheaf of papers to Tony. "This is an essay he wrote about fluid mechanics. I think it might interest you."

And interest him it did. Bruce read it over his shoulder, whistling lowly as the paper came to an end.

"He proposed an entire overhaul to the New York sewer system." Tony smirked. "Converting the liquid of a sewer into gas, eliminating the need for waste. Maybe I should show this to the mayor."

If the teacher heard his comment, she made no remark.

"We know he's smart." Pepper beamed proudly. "But is there anything we need to worry about? He's not too good at telling us his problems, and we would really liked to be kept in the loop about the good the bad and the ugly."

Ms. Warren paused. "Well, he does have a tendency to cut class at times, but it hasn't really affected his grades at all."

"Cuts class?" Pepper raised a brow at Tony. "Seriously? And you condone it?"

"It's the Stark Internship, darling." He smiled widely at her. "You know how hectic his schedule is." 

"Maybe I should call Mr. Stark and ask him not to keep my child so busy." Pepper matched his smile with one of her own.

"Mr. Stark's a busy man. Makes sense that his intern is too." Tony chuckled. 

"I've heard quite a bit about his,  _ahem,_ internship." Ms. Warren regarded him over interlocked fingers. What a teacher move. "Most kids don't believe him."

"Are they bothering him about it?" Tony's lips hardened, his humor dying instantly. By his side, he felt Pepper stand ramrod straight.

"Some." The woman nodded. "I can't give out names, but there is one boy in particular who seems to have it out for Peter. It's not necessarily about the internship though. It's more that Peter is better at him at well, everything."

"So he's jealous?" Bruce frowned, his knuckles clenched.

"Unfortunately." The teacher sighed. "So far, it's just words. But if it gets worse then we will definitely - "

"Words hurt, Ms. Warren. Especially at this age." Tony cut her off stonily, vowing to have a talk with his kid about keeping secrets. "This needs to be nipped in the bud."

"I understand your concern Dr. Stark. I really do. We've talked to the offending student  _multiple_ times. But unless it escalates...physically that is, we can't exactly take drastic action."

Tony didn't really hear her though, because he'd stopped listening after she'd called him  _Dr_ _. Stark_.

"Excuse me?"

"We know who you are." Monica Warren ducked her head apologetically, lowering her voice. "Principal Morita had a talk with all of Peter's teachers after what happened with his aunt. He told us who was taking care of him now, and why secrecy was of the utmost of importance." She turned to Bruce. "Dr. Banner, it's an absolute honor to be in your presence. I'm sure Peter has already told you that we have a picture of you in our classroom, as well as a whole unit dedicated to your work on anti-electron collisions."

"Not another fangirl." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Thanks?" Bruce laughed sheepishly. "He may have mentioned it once or twice."

"Colonel Rhodes, what a novel getup." The woman bit her lip as Rhodey blushed,  _actually blushed_. "And of course Ms. Potts! It's not everyday we get to see Forbes Most Influential Woman seven years in a row."

"Hi?"

"You must think that we're being ridiculous." Tony poked his fake nose a bit abashedly. "It was all Peter's idea."

"It was not." Pepper said immediately. "He was the one who wanted to do this." She pointed at Tony, who pushed up his glasses with a smirk.

"Peter didn't disagree." Tony drawled, shooting the teacher a grin.

"Peter was just glad that you wanted to come." Bruce added unhelpfully.

"Of course we were going to come!" Tony scoffed, the notion of not showing up to something like this absolutely preposterous. "How could we miss it?" 

A light chuckle stopped them from saying anything else.

"I'm glad that Peter has you." Ms. Warren let out a deep sigh. "When he returned to school, we expected him to be...different. And he was to an extent. Quieter, less prone to smile, a little somber. But he didn't seem to be bogged down in depression or anxiety. I can only imagine that is because he had all of you, especially you Mr. Stark. He sings your praises almost every day, and I think I can see why."

His throat tightened, forcing him to swallow the lump that had formed.

"He's one of us." Tony looked away, unable to face the woman's warm approval. "There's not much that I...that any of us wouldn't do for him."

"He has a bright future ahead of him." Ms. Warren said softly. "He's certainly a marvel."

"Keeps us on our toes." Pepper agreed wearily. "There's never a moment of peace in the house with these two in the same room."

"I take offense to that." Tony sniffed, narrowing his eyes at his fiancée before turning his attention back to the teacher. "So, about the whole bullying thing...."

"Our hands are tied." The woman said tiredly. "Peter won't say anything, and the other student has eased up somewhat since the death of Peter's aunt. It's not just Peter, you must understand. Other students are being bullied by him as well. Peter however, takes the brunt of the taunts because he doesn't want others to get hurt."

"That idiot." Tony shook his head, wondering how he was going to rid the kid of this self-sacrificing mindset.

"He gets that from you, you know." Pepper grumbled. "That stupid martyr complex."

"I'll talk to him." Tony let out a breath. He knew that Peter could easily take this bully down. He also knew that Peter was so stupidly noble that he wouldn't fight back, even with words, because it would make others a target if the other student redirected his anger somewhere else.

"I think that's all." Pepper shook the woman's hand again. "Thank you for taking care of our boy. He's talked about his physics class quite a bit. All good things of course. It was lovely meeting you."

"The pleasure is all mine." Ms. Warren stood up. "Take care Mr. and Mrs. Stank." Her eyes twinkled. "Mr. Potter." She turned to Rhodey. "Grandpa Stank." She couldn't quite hold back a giggle. "I'm glad that Peter has such a wonderful family to rely on. He definitely deserves it."

"That he does." Tony agreed ruefully, wheeling Grandpa Stank away. "That he does."

 

The next few meetings went similarly to that of the Physics teacher. They all knew who he, and the others were. While some treated them with professional courtesy, others, like Peter's athletics instructors descended rapidly into what Tony liked to refer to as 'worship mode', making the experience uncomfortable and rather one sided. Still, he learned that his kid was actually valedictorian of his class, which was something he would have liked to have known before hand.

Again, they really needed to communicate better.

Their last stop was to Mr. Harrington, Peter's Decathlon coach.

The man peered at them over his glasses, his expression unreadable.

"Dr. Stark, Dr. Banner, Ms. Potts, Colonel Rhodes." The barest hint of a grin curled on his lips. "I must say this is a surprise." He caught sight of Tony's Spider-man shirt. "Nice."

"If we'd known that Peter's teachers were aware of who his guardians were, we wouldn't have resorted to this." Tony said through gritted teeth, his fake nose irritating his skin. He did however appreciate the fact that every teacher had addressed him by his correct title. It wasn't everyday that people remembered that he had several doctorates.

"It's for the best." Roger Harrington shrugged, scratching his beard. "While we know who you are, they - " He gestured to the parents mingling about. "Do not. All of you are rather easily recognizable, and if it got out that you are here for Peter, I doubt he would cope very well."

"We know." Tony pinched his brow. "Peter already has enough on his plate as it is. We don't want to draw more attention to him than strictly necessary."

"He's extremely intelligent." Harrington stated flatly. "A bit scatter-brained at times, but he has a grasp on certain topics that even so-called smart adults cannot comprehend. Is that why you chose him for the internship?"

"Among other reasons." Tony nodded, liking the spark in the younger man's eyes. Peter liked this man, and it wasn't hard to see why. "He used to build frankly astounding inventions out of parts from dumpsters. I just gave him a better platform to utilize his skills."

"His internship does sometimes interfere with his Decathlon practices." Harrington sent Tony a searching look. "Is there any way to reduce his hours?"

"Peter doesn't really have set hours." Pepper explained in his stead. "He does however, have deadlines he needs to meet. Sometimes that means leaving right after school ends to rush home and get his work done."

"He lives at the Tower?" Harrington raised a brow in surprise. "I had heard that you bought it back, but didn't realize that you live there as well." The man guffawed all of a sudden. "Every nerd's dream."

"Tell me about it." Bruce nodded, dodging Tony's jab expertly.

"I'm glad to see he's adjusted so well." Harrington leaned back in his chair. "He's only one of five scholarship students. Which means that he got in solely on his own merit, not because of his parents' money. It made him a target in his freshman year. But he found Ned Leeds, and the two just clicked. He's opened up a lot more this year, even with everything that happened." The man gave them a small smile. "He's a good kid. Resilient, smart, he'll probably end up going to Harvard and saving the world or something."

"MIT." Tony muttered reflexively. "He's going to MIT. No child of mine is going to some pansy place like _Harvard._ "

"What's wrong with Harvard?" Bruce crossed his hands over his chest, a sullen look crossing his face. "I went there."

"There's your answer." Tony snarked back. "Besides, he'll be a legacy student at MIT."

"I can get him into Harvard with one phone call." Bruce took a step forward. 

"So can I." Tony threw his hands up. "You're not special _Harry Potter._ "

"I went to MIT too you know." Rhodey narrowed his eyes at both Bruce and Tony. "A phone call from me will have him owning the place in a day."

"Well I'll have you know..."

Pepper tuned out Tony's voice with a shake of her head.

"Are they always like this?" Harrington asked the only sane person in the quartet.

Pepper glanced at the men in her life with fond exasperation. "Only when Peter's concerned."

"He's well protected." Harrington remarked. "Iron Man. The Hulk. War Machine. And of course the CEO of Stark Industries. Protected and connected."

There was something in the man's tone that caused Pepper to look at him.  _Really_ look at him. His eyes were hidden behind his glasses, but the knowing gleam in them didn't escape her notice.

"Like you said, he's going to save the world someday." Pepper shrugged lightly. "Might as well start taking lessons from the people who've already been around the block once or twice."

"The kid's certainly hero material." The teacher chuckled. "It's good that he has people like you to help him." He glanced over at the men, jerking his thumb at Bruce and Tony who looked like disgruntled siblings, each of them turned away from each other and pouting. "Maybe you should take them home, give them a juice box or something."

Pepper palmed her face, shaking her head in disbelief. For men in their forties, Tony and Bruce were acting like children.

"I think it's time to go home now." She grabbed hold of her future husband's arm, making Bruce take Rhodey's wheelchair. "It was nice meeting you Mr. Harrington."

"Same here." The man acknowledged with a slow nod. "Hopefully you'll all come to our next meet. It's local, so there's no need to travel far."

"We'll be there." Pepper called from over her shoulder, tugging on Tony's elbow to keep him moving. "Anything for our boy!"

 

Roger Harrington watched as arguably the most powerful people in the world disappeared past the doors and into the hallway.

He took off his glasses and wiped them slowly, not registering the tap on his shoulder till he looked up to see Monica Warren, along with the rest of Peter's teachers staring at him expectantly.

The gym was clearing out, and no other parents were coming their way, leaving Roger with no escape.

"We just met Tony Stark." Wilson breathed. " _The Tony Stark_."

"And Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts, and James Rhodes." Sam Cobbwell, Peter's chemistry teacher said. "I can't believe the kid lives with them. Or that they came in those ridiculous outfits."

"Stark's different than what I imagined." Monica shook her head. "Less ostentatious and more...."

"Concerned father?" Roger finished.

"Yeah." Cobbwell concurred. "You know he showed me pictures of Peter in his lab, working on Spider-man's web fluid! Our Peter Parker creates Spidey's webs! Can you believe it?" The man shook his head in awe.

Somehow, Roger could.

"The kid's a genius." Barry Hapgood, the shop teacher closed his eyes. "Stark's probably glad he found him before anyone else did."

"He's been happier lately." Monica said. "They're good for him." She straightened when Jim Morita walked up to them with a wry look on his face.

"I take it you met all of them."

"Yes sir."

"Crazy isn't it?" Morita tugged on his tie, loosening it a bit. He pinned each of them with a heavy gaze. "I can't stress enough how important it is to keep all of this under wraps."

"We know sir." Roger stood, stretching lazily. 

"And keep an eye out on Flash Thompson." Morita rubbed his temples. "If Thompson gets physical, and Stark finds out, he'll sue the pants off of us." The man grimaced. "I'm not joking. He just warned me about it five minutes ago."

"Easier said than done." Cobbwell groused. "Flash is a handful and a half."

"We're in for a few interesting years." Monica hummed lightly. "Maybe next year the Starks won't need to resort to disguises."

She was right, Roger mused. He for one, was eager to see how Peter grew, as a student, and as a hero.

New York needed Spider-man as much as he needed Peter on his Decathlon team after all.

 

* * *

 

"Mr. Stark?"

Tony turned, frowning at Ned Leeds for calling him that in public. Luckily, there were not many people around, and they were not paying him any attention. Peter gave him a quizzical glance from the parking lot, but Tony just shooed the kid away.

"What is it Edward?"

The teen fumbled with his hands, eyes darting from side to side.

"I just want to say thank you." The kid mumbled, sucking his lip into his mouth. "For what you've done for Peter."

This wasn't the first time he'd been complimented for taking care of the kid, but coming from Peter's best friend, it meant much more.

"It's nothing." Tony dismissed the praise flippantly.

"No." Ned shook his head firmly. "It's not." He looked him straight in the eye, determination and affection apparent. "Peter...he thinks he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. But at the end of the day, even if he has these abilities, he's just a kid."

"I know." Tony lowered his voice, stepping closer to the boy.

"He thinks that everything bad that happens is something he could have stopped. Before you took him under your wing, it was pretty bad." Ned grimaced. "He used to come to school bruised and bloody most of the time. He hid it well, but he couldn't keep it from me. I've patched him up more times than I can count. I didn't know he was Spider-man back then, so I thought it could have gang stuff or something. He used to monitor police radios obsessively. It got to the point where I thought I needed to stage an intervention or something even more drastic."

The boy fell silent, taking a breath. Tony processed everything that he'd heard, already feeling the headache that only his kid could bring about.

"It's not fair." Ned said with a sad smile. "He deserves everything, but it seemed like the world was determined to take it all away from him." The kid looked up at him, eyes shining. "And that's why I'm so thankful that you and Ms. Potts are there for him. He really loves you guys, even if he can't say it yet. He likes to talk about all of you to the point where it gets a bit annoying to be honest."

"Are you jealous?" Tony quirked a brow, warmth spreading through him at the sincerity in the kid's words.

"No." Ned said with a grin. "I'm just glad that Peter can finally experience what it's like to have a family. Don't get me wrong, his aunt and uncle were terrific people who died way too young, but now he has a complete pack - mom, dad, and a couple crazy uncles. What more can anyone want?"

"I'm not - "

"You are." Ned snorted. "You  _totally_ are."

Tony stared at the boy for a moment before shaking his head. "You're a good friend Tedward. Peter's lucky you're his guy in the chair."

"Thanks," The teen blushed. "You're not too bad yourself."

"Ned!" A woman called from somewhere behind him. "Let's go home!"

"Godspeed young Eddard." Tony awkwardly clapped Ned on the shoulder.

"To you as well, Lord Stark." Ned replied. "I wish you good fortune in the wars to come."

He dashed off without a look back, leaving a bemused billionaire behind.

"Well that sounded vaguely ominous." Tony muttered, making his way back to his brood of mismatched geniuses.

"What did Ned want?" Peter asked as they slid into the car. Happy wasn't driving for once, allowing Tony to finally take his car out for a spin. It wasn't his orange Audi, because that would be way too noticeable, but the sleek black sedan would have to do.

"He just wanted to tell me what an idiot you were back in the day." Tony remarked casually, watching Peter through the rear-view mirror. His kid flushed, determinedly staring out the window.

"What did he do?" Pepper glanced back at Peter with concern.

"I'll tell you later." Tony pulled out of the parking lot, making sure Bruce's car was behind him. "Never mind that. Your teachers tell us that you're being bullied. Now why don't you explain why you didn't bother to tell us about it?"

"It wasn't important?" Peter scowled darkly. "I'm handling it."

"Really?" He squinted at his kid. "Because your teachers all told us that you're drawing attention to yourself to make sure that no other kids are being pushed around by the bully."

"I can take it." 

"It's not about  _taking it_ , Peter." Pepper frowned. "It's about going to a teacher, or telling us about it! We're your pare - " She cut herself off, scrunching up her face to regroup. "You can tell us anything."

"I'm handling it." Peter repeated after a moment, his face stoic and firm. "Besides, he's laid off since word got out that Aunt May died."

"And what happens when he comes back for you, worse than before?" Pepper turned around, grabbing Peter's hand. "What then?"

"I'll deal with it if it happens." The kid shrugged. His features softened. "Look, I'm really grateful that you're looking out for me, but I can do an okay job of it myself too. This is just normal kid stuff that we have to go through. If it gets bad, I promise I'll come to you. Seriously."

"I'll hold you to that Underoos." Tony sighed. "And if you don't tell us,  _I_ promise you'll be grounded for the rest of your high school career."

Peter swallowed. "Understood sir."

"Good."

 

And while Peter thought that might have been the end of the conversation, he had conveniently forgotten that Tony and Pepper hadn't been the only adults to attend the conference.

He had just taken the first bite of his pizza slice when Grandpa James sidled up next to him, concern all over his features.

"So about that bully..."

Tony smirked when his kid groaned, scooting away from Rhodey as if he had the plague. Catching Pepper's eye, he raised his glass of soda towards her, toasting her for a job well done. Maybe this parenting thing wasn't so bad after all.

"Hey, did you know that Peter had a building fall on him?" Bruce mumbled over a mouthful of cheese and bread. "And he didn't go to a doctor?"

Peter let out a whimper.

" _WHAT!"_

"Peter Benjamin Parker." Pepper ignored the look of betrayal that their boy sent Bruce. "Exactly what does that mean?"

On the other hand, Tony thought, rubbing his temples tiredly. With a child like Peter, nothing was going to be easy.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony and Pepper get to act like normal parents, as seen through the eyes of the people around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your responses and kudos! I'm glad people are enjoying this story! Someone asked me if I'm going to include other popular tropes and the answer is yes. I'll have at least one of those in the next chapters and maybe blend a couple together. But hopefully in a way that's not too cliche and been done literally a thousand times before. Also, please ignore the timeline for this story. Like just...don't worry about it. Peter will be perpetually fifteen until he's not.
> 
> Sorry this chapter is really late! I wrote two times, deleted it, and wrote it again. It also kind of breaks the 5 + 1 stuff, but eh...whatever.

  **III.**

  

It wasn't every day that Ned Leeds all but carried his ill best friend through the hallways and into the nurse's office, but when he did, it kind of sucked.

"You look like death." Ned pushed the door open to the office, nudging his friend down to a bed. His heart raced, fear spreading through his veins. Peter had gotten sick _before_ he'd been Spider-man, but nothing ever like this had happened.

" 'M fine." Peter mumbled, trying to push himself up, only to clutch his head and fall back down, his face screwed up in agony.

Ned gave the other teen a concerned once-over, shaking his head disapprovingly. "You're burning, Peter." He fussed over the boy, pressing his hand against Peter's forehead like how his mom did for him. "We can fry an egg on you!"

"Try." Peter rasped out a laugh, before doubling over from a coughing fit. 

"Mr. Parker!" The nurse, Ms. Hopper, rushed over to him, shaking her head with disapproval that only healthcare professionals could manage. "What happened?"

"I-"

"He has a fever." Ned spoke for Peter, shooting his friend a glare. "A pretty high fever. He's dizzy and I'm pretty sure he's dehydrated too. His throat hurts and he threw up his lunch."

And that hadn't been a pretty sight. They'd been camped out in the bathroom, with Ned forced to listen to Peter heave his guts out and then some, all while making sure no one came in to see him in such a state.

"Poor boy." Ms. Hopper clucked her tongue sympathetically, reaching in her white coat to pull out a thermometer. "Stick that in your armpit." She instructed the haggard teen, writing down everything Ned had said.

A few moments later, the instrument beeped, and Peter meekly handed it back to the woman, whose eyes widened the second she saw it.

" _104.2!"_ She gasped, spurring into action. She grabbed a cold compress and placed it on Peter's head, as well as a room temperature water bottle that he guzzled down. A couple of pills were thrust towards him, but the boy refused, shaking his head adamantly.

Ned almost smacked the boy.

"Peter!" The nurse frowned. "You need to take these!"

"I can't." Peter mumbled, his bleary eyes hardening. "It's in my profile. "They won't do anything."

That's right, Ned remembered. Peter needed tailored medication now. No over the counter stuff, or even antibiotics. He'd told Ned that one day, just in case something happened and Peter needed help. 

Well, Peter definitely needed help now.

He absolutely didn't look good. His face was pasty white, with sweat dripping down his forehead. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his hair was limp. A pang of sympathy rushed through him at seeing the normally vibrant boy in such a weak state.

"Did something happen?" Ned whispered, not as softly as he should have. The nurse was still busy at the computer, which was his only saving grace. "I've never seen you get sick like this. Were you.... _drugged_ or something?"

It could have happened. Ned had thought of all the ridiculous scenarios himself. He just hoped that he was wrong. Being a superhero had its drawbacks.

"NO!" Came Peter's harsh denial, followed by another bought of dry coughs that made his already knotted stomach clench even further. "I..." He looked around the room, his glassy eyes resting on the window for a second too long. "I'm sick." He muttered petulantly. 

"Well at least you admitted it." Ned scoffed, plopping down on an empty bed. His friend really was stupid for being a genius.

"I've just spoken to your guardian." The only adult in the room walked back over to them, a peculiar look on her face.

He chanced a glance at Peter, sickened to see that his already pale face had turned bone white. Despite the situation, he couldn't help the burgeoning amusement welling in his chest.

" _Oh no_."

"The reasonable one." Ms. Hopper chuckled. "Not the.... _other one_."

"That's even worse!" The teen moaned, planting his face in his hands. "She's...she's going to  _lecture_ me!"

Ned burst into unceremonious laughter, uncaring of the disapproving frown on the nurse's face. "You're so right! I am  _not_ missing this!" 

Despite the situation, it was nice to see Peter acting this way - like a kid who knew he was going to get in trouble with his mom about doing something he shouldn't have. 

"You need to be getting back to class Mr. Leeds." The woman turned her gaze to the other boy, scowling when he shook his head defiantly.

"Nuh-uh. Peter's mo...um....guardian told me specifically that if he gets into a situation like this, I had to stay by his side to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, like run away or pretend he's fine." His smile turned shark-like - knowing he'd already won the argument. "You can call her if you want."

"I'd rather keep my sanity, thank you very much." Came the dry response, as well as a drawn out sigh. "Talking to her once is daunting enough." The last part was said in an undertone, but he was close enough to hear it.

" 'M gonna  _die._ " Peter half sobbed, his voice muffled by his hands. He grabbed Ned's shirt dramatically. "She told me not to come to school today and I didn't listen to her! Please kill me now."

"Serves you right." Ned sniffed flippantly. "You should know better than to argue with her. She's like, only the most powerful woman in the world." He wished he was lying.

"Too right that is." Ms. Hopper nodded sagely. "Hopefully you'll learn your lesson and not repeat this again."

"Save me." Peter whispered, groaning softly.

"Just save your strength." Ned shook his head, listening to his friend's heavy breathing as the room descended into silence.

Not ten minutes later, Ms. Potts rushed through the door, her pretty features rife with worry. Behind her, Mr. Happy sauntered in, looking very much like a disgruntled boulder.

Peter froze, doing his best to make himself as small as possible.

"Peter..." Ms. Potts sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Hi." Peter waved, smiling miserably. "Sorry?"

"Sorry is right young man!" The woman walked over slowly and sat down next to him. Her hand combed through his sweaty locks gently, reminding Ned of what his own mom did when he was sick.

Swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, he turned away from the intimate scene. He wasn't sad per say, or even envious. He was just so.... _happy_. Because after a decade of misfortune, it felt like Peter was finally getting the family that he needed so desperately. And that was all Ned wanted for his best friend.

"You're like fire, Petey." Ms. Potts murmured, her tone somewhere between worried and clinical. "This isn't good." Suddenly, she smacked him on the arm, earning a moan of discomfort from the boy. "Why didn't you listen to me? I  _told_ you that going to school was a bad idea but  _no_ , you just had to be stubborn, didn't you?" She threw her hands up in exasperation, huffing loudly. Behind her, the man she'd come with snickered, getting a hazy glare from the sullen, sick teen.

"Lesson learned?" Peter mumbled, his breathing labored. He paused, nose scrunching up. "Does Tony know?"

Ned was sure that he did. Because while Ms. Potts was as overprotective as a dragon was of its hoard, Mr. Stark took things to the next level. He both envied, and pitied Peter at times. His friend's new life was awesomely weird.

"Yes he does." Ms. Potts' voice softened. "And it took all my negotiation skills to convince him to let me come instead. He's already called your Uncle Bruce, and you'll be spending the next day or two in Medbay. Got it?"

"Got it." Peter nodded childishly, his head slowly falling to Ms. Potts' lap. 

The woman kept carding her fingers through Peter's hair, not caring that this sweaty kid was probably dampening her impeccably ironed white dress. She bent down, kissing his forehead tenderly.

Her classmate made a guttural sound, pressing himself even closer against his guardian. In Ned's opinion, he looked like a bedraggled, but content feline.

"You are so like Tony sometimes." Ms. Potts let out a tired laugh. "Don't look so pleased!" She scolded the teen. "It's not a good thing."

Except that Ned knew it was. To his best friend, being compared to the man who was pretty much his father was only the greatest thing ever, regardless of context.

"Yes it is." Peter disagreed quietly, pushing himself up with the woman's help.

"Remind me to tell you about the time when Tony got the flu, insisted on going to  _Alaska_ to give a presentation on clean energy, and spent the next fifteen days in the hospital because he was a stubborn idiot."

"He has a good work ethic." Peter shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. Both the teen and the woman snorted at the same time, as if sharing an inside joke.

"You really are like him." Ms. Potts mused almost to herself. "Why can't you take after me instead?"

"I eat all my vegetables." Peter gave her what he must have thought was a winning grin except it looked more like a pained grimace. "And I don't complain about it. I put all my gadgets away fifteen minutes before bed, like you tell me to.  _And_ I read all the reports you give me. I don't complain about that either."

"My hero." The woman chuckled, pulling Peter up to a standing position. "Now let's go home before Tony  _and_ Bruce insist on breaking down the school to come and get you." She looked at Ned, who was smiling softly at them. "Thank you Ned. Let's hope you don't have to do this again. I'll let you know when he's back to normal."

"Anytime Boss Lady!" The boy chirped, clapping his friend on the shoulder as gently as he could. "Don't be an idiot, okay?"

Peter pouted at him in response.

Okay, so maybe not an idiot, but he was certainly being a child.

"Peter will be staying home for the next few days." Ms. Potts told the nurse, who had been standing off to the side with wide eyes. "I want him to have some rest, and not strain himself any more." She stared at Peter sternly, who wilted under her gaze.

"O...Of course! The nurse agreed fervently. "He needs plenty of rest and fluids - which you know of course because you're  _you_. It sounds like he has the flu, but since he vomited earlier more tests might be needed."

"It's chicken noodle soup and herbal teas for you sweetheart." Ms. Potts told Peter wryly. "And if you even think that you're allowed to move even one muscle without permission from Bruce or Helen, you've got another thing coming."

" 'Mkay." Peter looked at his toes before his head shot up just a tad too quickly judging by his wince. "Not even - "

"NO." Ms. Potts all but snarled. "Don't make me sic Tony on you."

Ned smirked at that mental image.

The teen harrumphed before sneezing violently.

"Gross, Peter." Ned scooted away from him, wrinkling his nose. He loved this kid like a brother, he really did, but he definitely did not want any weird super-germs that the teen was carrying.

"C'mon kiddo." Mr. Happy spoke for the first time, dark eyes crinkling slightly. "I hope you can walk, because I'm not carrying you. And if you need to puke, then tell me for Loki's sake. Don't try to be an idiot like your father and hold it in."

Ms. Potts smothered a giggle, exchanging a look with Ned.

In other news, he was now in the secret-circle that was eligible to share exasperated glances with  _Pepper Potts._

Peter's life was out of this world, but so was Ned's.

"Philadelphia?" She asked the man with a twinkle in her bright eyes.

"Philadelphia." He replied with a heavy exhale. "I almost killed Tony that day."

Mr. Happy grabbed Peter under one arm in a surprisingly gentle manner, with Ms. Potts supporting his other side. Together, the trio made their way from the room, the soft murmurs of their conversation still drifting towards him.

Silence filled the space that Peter had created, leaving Ned slightly bereft. Even sick as a dog, a best friend was still a  _best friend_. It would be lonely for the next few days. Maybe Betty Brant would be interested in hearing about how he'd built the millennium falcon out of aluminum foil and wires.

"He's got a good family." The nurse's voice startled him. She had a knowing glint to her eyes that for some reason comforted him. It told him that Peter had people in his corner, regardless of how removed from him they were.

"Yeah." He nodded, unable to keep the smile off his face. "He does."

 

Ten minutes later, when he was back in class, he got a selfie of Peter lying down in the back of a car once again on Ms. Potts' lap. The woman was checking her phone, and not aware of the picture being taken. Otherwise, Ned was sure that his friend would have gotten scolded.

 _Put the phone down. You're supposed to be resting._ He typed quickly, making sure Mr. Hapgood wasn't watching.

 _I'm boorreeed._ Came the undignified response.

_REST. NOW._

_No._

_Dude...do you want your mom to kill you?_ Ned had used that word deliberately, knowing that Peter - who was still very much in denial that the people who had taken him in were totally his parents despite his own feelings towards them - would become uncomfortable enough to maybe put his phone away and not get in trouble.

He got another message two minutes later.  _Mom is talking to dad. Please help. They're saying they're activating the Spider-baby protocol. I don't know what that is. Ned. I'm scared._

Ned laughed quietly, not seeing the look that MJ gave him. Peter was either so out of it that he hadn't realized what he'd typed, or he was just humoring Ned. (It was probably the former).

_You deserve it. Now go to sleep Spider-baby. Mom, dad, AND Uncle Ned say so._

_Not my uncle._

_Brother Ned sounds weird so Uncle Ned it is._

_K Uncle Ned. Night-night._

_Sleep tight kiddo._

Yep, Ned thought as he leaned back in his seat with a huge grin. His life was so totally strange right now, and it was all Peter's fault.

Luckily, he wouldn't have it any other way. 

 

 

_"I called you UNCLE NED! Kill me now! Or create a device to go back in time and stop me."_

_"Uncle Ned says no, and is telling you to finish your derivatives before dinner or else you won't get any dessert."_

_"DUDE."_

_"Do I need to call your parents?"_

_"..."_

_"DO I?"_

_"...No..."_

_"That's what I thought."_

 

* * *

 

"PETER!"

Bruce pinched his brow, not needing special senses to know that his day had gone from boring to chaotic in the span of seconds.

Indeed, not moments later, he was caught around the midriff by a blur of limbs, knocking the wind out of him and significantly reducing his 'coolness factor' with his staff dramatically.

"Hide me!" Peter hissed, burying himself in Bruce's back. 

"What have you done now?" He asked wearily, giving a forlorn look to the cup of tea on his desk.

"What has he done?" Tony stormed into the lab, not even throwing a glance to the dozen or so scientists that froze at his mere presence.

Bruce was sure that Peter whimpered.

"He hasn't been eating properly is  _what he's done_!" Tony threw his arms up, shaking his head in a way typical of disappointed parents. "Based on his metabolism and activity, he needs upwards of ten thousand calories a day! And you know how much he's eating?"

"How much?" Bruce narrowed his eyes, twisting around to see the guilt etched into his pseudo-nephew's features.

"Not even a quarter of that! And he understands how dangerous that is because he's supposedly a genius, but I'm seeing dumb and dumber  _combined_ in him instead of Einstein." The other man spat. "Do you see these gray hairs?" He pointed to the three hairs that were not dark brown at his temples. "These are because of you!"

"It's not my fault!" Peter untangled himself from Bruce, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring like the sullen teen he was. "I was busy!"

"Busy enough not to eat?" Tony snorted.

"I..." The boy cleared his throat, red suffusing his cheeks. "I had um, stuff to do. Studying. And other...stuff."

Tony took a deep breath, straightening his askew tie. Bruce could almost hear him counting to ten under his breath. "Well I'll make sure that you cut down on that  _stuff_ until you eat like you're supposed to."

"But - "

"No buts!" Tony walked over, grabbing the kid by the elbow. "Pepper cooked your favorite food tonight, and if you don't eat every bite on your plate - all  _five_ of them, so help me  _Thor_ I will ground your scrawny behind until you give me grandchildren."

Bruce managed to hear Peter's  _how can I give you grandkids if you ground me_ as they exited his lab, before gulping down his tea in case he received another unwarranted intrusion on his sanity.

While it was genuinely amusing to see how much Tony fathered the child, his mirth died the second they involved him in their antics. 

 **Baby safe?** His alter ego - who had been speaking to him sporadically since Sakaar asked, genuine concern present in that gruff voice. The Hulk liked Tony for some reason. As such, anyone else who Tony cared for was given the gold standard of Hulk-ly affection by the other guy, especially Peter. Because to the Hulk's mind, who else but Tony's child - the Baby - would Iron Man go to such lengths to protect?

The Hulk was definitely on to something, not that Bruce had any intention of telling Tony. The man understood he was a parent in the same abstract way that (sane) people understood that the earth went around the sun, but he still was in denial that Peter saw him as a father.

Mostly because Peter himself was in denial as well.

The only rational person was Pepper, and she was content with letting everyone figure things out on their own.

 _He's fine._ Bruce reassured the other guy, wondering how his life had gotten to the point where he needed to comfort the bane of his existence. 

 **Make food plan. He need to eat, you make him eat.** The Hulk commanded, startling Bruce. He knew that the jolly green giant was aware to an extent of what he experienced as Bruce Banner, but this was the first time that he'd actively commented upon it.

 _I...will._ He found himself promising, berating himself for not seeing the signs of Peter's predicament for himself.

"Dr. Banner?" One of his lab-techs (he kept forgetting they were in the room too) shifted from side to side, glancing back at her colleagues. "Is Peter...is he Dr. Stark's son?"

Ha. Tony's dad-like behavior hadn't gone unnoticed!

Bruce briefly considered denying the claim, but he was tired of tip-toeing around the subject, tired of speculations and theories that were borderline the truth.

"He's the Heir to Stark Industries." Was what he ended up saying, turning away so he could hide his smirk as gasps and murmurs rose from behind him. 

 

(He would later learn that he fueled the gossip mills for months on end before Pepper was forced to send an internal memo that stated Peter Stark was indeed her and Tony's successor, and revealing this information to the public would lead to immediate termination)

(But that was a story for another time)

 

* * *

 

It wasn't often that Happy stayed over at the penthouse, and if he did, it generally was because Tony was injured and Pepper wanted another pair of eyes to watch over him.

Tonight however, he'd been asked to stay, not by Tony or Pepper, but by  _Peter_ , who thought that there was no point in him going home at one in the morning when he would be back at work just a few hours later anyway.

And the boy's guardians (not (officially) parents because they  _still_ hadn't brought up the adoption even after FIVE MONTHS), who were so smitten by their son, had agreed within moments when those wide brown eyes had looked at them beseechingly.

Suckers. All of them.

No one bothered telling Peter that on Saturday, Happy didn't come in until ten o'clock. The kid was already well aware of Happy's hours, which meant that he just wanted the man to be around.

(And Happy would be damned if that didn't make him melt).

The teen had been a necessary annoyance to him in the past, until guilt over  _so many things_ had forced him to see just how pure of a child Peter Parker was. As Tony had grown closer to the boy, so had Happy. He'd gone from being tolerable to being irreplaceable within months.

When May had died, and Tony had taken Peter in at the drop of a hat, he knew it was the right thing to do, not just for Peter, but for Tony as well.

Tony Stark had changed for Peter, become better for the boy who he called his son (to everyone _but_ said son), and for that, Happy would be eternally grateful to him.

It was that gratitude that made Happy decide that he'd do one last sweep of the floor before heading to bed. He'd protected Tony and Pepper for years now. It wasn't a big deal to add their son to his list as another person he would die for.

Truth be told, doing a security check was completely unnecessary for the penthouse. Tony had so many measures in place that even Happy thought that some were just plain overkill. It was for his own piece of mind more than anything else.

He had just finished the hallway that housed most of the bedrooms when a noise behind him had his muscles tensing.

Whirling around, he let out a sigh of relief at the sight of a sleepy Peter, illuminated only by the soft glow of the night lights installed every few feet in the dark corridor. 

That relief quickly turned to concern when keen eyes spotted the minute tremors wracking the boy's growing frame.

"Peter?" He whispered, inching closer. He was pretty sure the kid could hear him - enhanced senses and all that, but he looked to be in a trance of some sort. Before he could fully make his way to him, Peter knocked on a door firmly, rocking back and forth on his heels.

It opened instantly. While Happy couldn't see inside, he knew Tony well enough to know that it was his shadow that was cast against the wall.

"Pete?" Came his boss's sleep-laden voice, filled with confused worry. "What's wrong."

That was another thing that Happy could thank Peter for. Tony Stark was actually sleeping because of the spiderling he'd taken in.

The boy swallowed audibly, his jaw tensing. "Nightmare." His mumble carried over to Happy. "You said - "

"To come to us if you needed help." Tony let out a sigh, stepping into the hallway. Happy pressed himself against the wall, holding his breath in hopes that he wouldn't be noticed.

He didn't want to intrude on what was obviously a private moment, but a large part of him was always thrilled whenever he saw his boss acting like the parent he had become.

(Pepper was a born mother who had never even hesitated in stepping up to her new role)

"Hey bud." Tony smoothed a hand over the boy's hair, pulling him closer to his body. "I'm glad you trusted us enough to come." The man didn't even flinch when gangly, preternaturally strong arms flung themselves around his back. "It's okay kiddo." He whispered, wrapping the child in an embrace. "You're not alone."

For a few moments, they just swayed like that, content in the others presence. 

"I dreamed that you died." Peter whispered into Tony's neck. "I dreamed that I couldn't save you or Pepper." He choked, breaking out into sniffles. "I dreamed that I  _failed_."

Happy took a deep breath, closing his eyes. In all the ways Peter could have taken after Tony, this was not one of the good ones. The kid had no idea how many times Tony had dreamed the same thing, how many times Pepper had confided that the supposedly uncaring man of iron had woken in wild panic, drenched in sweat, rambling about he was never enough to save those who truly mattered to him.

"You didn't fail." Pepper suddenly emerged from the bedroom. Her voice shook, but she stood tall, drawing Peter from Tony's arms to her own. "You won't Peter, you  _won't_."

"But if I do!" Peter sobbed, tearing away from the woman. "What if I'm not strong enough? What if I'm - "

"Stop." Tony shook his head firmly, his throat bobbing. "Just....stop." He crouched until he was eye level with the boy, putting both hands on his shoulder. "We're here Peter. In front of you. And we're not going anywhere. I promise."

"How can you promise that?" The teen asked brokenly. "You're  _Iron Man_! You save the world as a hobby! You can't know that you'll come back!"

Happy saw Tony flinch and Pepper stiffen, but neither refuted Peter's words.

"I can't." His boss agreed bitterly. "I can't promise that I'll always come home." He straightened to his full height, tugging Pepper and Peter towards him. "But I have someone to come home to. Someone to protect. And that means I will try my hardest to  _always_ make it back. To you. To Pepper. To Happy and Rhodey and Bruce and even that hot dog guy on fifth and Broadway that charges me double for any toppings I want."

A watery chuckle was Peter's response.

"You're my whole life, kid." Tony murmured, possibly admitting how much the boy meant to him for the first time out loud.

Judging by Peter's incredulous gasp, Happy thought he was probably right.

" _Our_ whole life." Pepper corrected lightly, swiping at her eyes. "And then some."

"But  _why_?" He questioned, doubt emanating from him. "I'm no one to you! I'm just the kid you were saddled with. Just the - "

"Because we love you." Tony cut him off, sounding stricken by his own words. But he coaxed Peter back to him, letting the boy,  _his son_ , rest his head against his chest, sighing into the boy's hair. "We love you." He affirmed, more to himself than to Peter. 

"More than you'll ever know." Pepper concurred, laughing throatily.

There was a pause, and Happy saw the boy shiver before spurring into action. Peter tugged the woman towards him, making it so that he was sandwiched in between his parents.

"I love you too." He mumbled back, pushing himself closer to Tony's torso. "So much."

"Let's get some sleep." Pepper murmured, dropping kisses on Peter and Tony's cheeks. 

"I'll go back now." The kid said quietly, moving to turn away only to be stopped by Tony's hand.

"You had a nightmare, and we're not letting you out of our sight. So either we're coming to your room, or you're sleeping here. Got it?" The man's tone implied that he would not be fought on this matter.

"I...I'd like that." Peter nodded shyly. 

The boy was pulled into the bedroom, the door closing with a soft thud.

Happy smiled to himself, a little wider than he thought, cursing the dust for irritating his eyes. With Peter in good hands, he allowed himself to go back to his own room and settle down, replaying what he'd seen over and over.

Blood didn't make a family. Love did. And Happy was damn pleased that he could consider himself as part of this one.

And when Tony and Pepper finally got over their mental blocks and just talked to  _their son_ about the adoption (which was just waiting for Peter's approval in front of a judge), Happy was petitioning to be that kid's godfather.

He'd fight the other two idiots in line with his bare fists if he had to. 

 

* * *

 

"Think we'll have a relaxing Friday night?" Rhodey asked the room at large offhandedly, flipping through his book slowly.

Bruce, who was thumbing through some massive chemistry tome glanced up at him, a wry look on his face. The man shrugged, letting out a small snort.

"In this house?" Happy scoffed, polishing off the last of his burger. "As if."

"Don't jinx it." Pepper sighed, walking into the room. She toed off her heels and flopped down on the couch, resting her feet against Happy's side who grumbled, but let the woman do as she wanted.

It was the picture of domesticity, he thought idly. Minus two key figures.

On cue, the bay window opened suddenly, revealing Iron Man and a giggling Spider-man who was clinging to the older superhero's side. The suit peeled away, letting Rhodey see Tony in all of his annoyed glory glaring at the young teen still clutching his arm and laughing giddily.

"Ish shpinning." Peter yipped, twirling around Tony, stumbling until he planted himself by the man's feet. The mask came off, letting everyone see the dazed expression on the boy's face.

"Ish shtill shpinning." The boy pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Make it shtop!"

"You jinxed it." Pepper rubbed her temples, walking over to the kid and kneeling in front of him. "Hi honey."

"Hi." Peter waved dreamily, reaching out and poking Pepper's cheek. "Ish shoft. An' pwetty." 

"Tony?" She raised a brow at her fiancé, who looked as though he was carved from granite. "Why does Peter smell like he fell into a distillery?" 

Rhodey stifled a laugh beneath his hand. Of course the kid was drunk. This was fantastic. And possibly the best moment of his life.

"He's drunk?" Bruce appeared by Rhodey's side, radiating doctorly concern. "How much did he drink, and what?"

"Ask him." Tony bit out, shaking his head wearily. In Rhodey's opinion, his best friend looked like an exasperated parent who was so done with his troublemaker of a kid.

Oh wait....he was.

"I had all of it!" Peter exclaimed, pride shining in his glazed eyes. "I help, I get reward, I drink reward!"

"According to the Baby Monitor Protocol, the college kids he saved from a mugging gave him the jungle juice they were taking to a party." Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "They called it the  _good juice_ , and our naive spider-child thought it was real juice and downed  _sixty_ _ounces_ of something even  _I_ wouldn't have drunk."

"At least we know that his body metabolizes alcohol faster than normal." Bruce attempted to reassure Tony. "Regular people would have needed their stomach pumped."

"Not. Helping." The other man growled.

"We're in for a few really interesting years ahead." Rhodey guffawed, earning the stink eye from Tony.

"If you think I'm letting him near even a drop of the  _good juice_ until he's legal, you're insane." The man sniffed, sounding so unlike  _Tony Stark_ that Rhodey nearly stared. 

It wasn't that he wasn't happy that his best friend finally had a responsible bone in his body, it was just that he'd grown so many of them literally overnight, that Rhodey was slightly concerned.

Tony as a father was....still something he was getting used to. And it wasn't because he hadn't envisioned the man as a parent either. He had - mostly because about twenty years ago, some women had frequently brought in pictures of babies that they claimed to be Tony's only to be disproved by logic, or DNA tests if necessary.

But the parent he thought Tony would have been, and the parent Tony was now, were two completely different things. And Rhodey couldn't be more pleased.

"It was an accident." Pepper let out a tired breath. "He didn't even know what he was doing. If anything, we need to educate him on all the bad stuff that he see's on the streets and make sure he never touches it."

"Ish hot." Peter frowned, taking his suit off. "An ma mouth ish dryyyyy." He complained, stumbling towards the kitchen, only to be stopped by Pepper's arm.

"Sit down Peter." She chortled. "Happy will get you water."

"I will not."

Pepper glared.

"I will." 

The woman led him to the couch, where he promptly sat, and shifted position until he was laying down, curled up in a little ball by Pepper's side.

It was so adorable that Rhodey could feel his chest expand with all the mushy stuff he forced himself to repress every time Peter was in the room.

"I'm glad that you're my mom." Peter mumbled, nuzzling Pepper's lap.

She froze, and so did the entire room.

Rhodey chanced a glance at Tony. Dark eyes were blown wide, slowly softening until liquid warmth replaced shocked surprise. If Pepper was mom, then there were no questions as to who dad was.

"Pe - "

"You - " The boy hiccoughed, a dopey smile spreading on his face. " 're my mom! I hasshh a  _mom_!"

Rhodey could see the tentative tilt to Pepper's lips, the release of tension from her shoulders, the sheer joy she was giving off and he had to say that yes, she was a mom. She'd been one since the moment she'd seen Peter. 

"Do ya think," Peter tried to sit up, only to fall right back down into Pepper's thigh. "Do ya think that Aun' May would mind?" He asked quietly, imploring eyes boring into Pepper. "I ne'er called her mom cuz she didn' wan' me to. But you're ma mom, an' I don' know if  _you_ wan' me - "

"I do Peter." Pepper swallowed, running her hand over his head. "I want to be your mom more than anything."

"Then why won' you adopt me?" The boy whined, reaching up and grabbing a lock of Pepper's hair. "I fanf...I fooon...I  _foun'_ the ad-op-shun papersh in dad's offish long time 'go."

Tony choked, drawing Peter's attention.

"AN' YOU!" He shouted, startling himself and the others. "YOU IS MA DAD!"

Happy downed the glass of water he'd gotten for Peter, while Bruce buried himself back in that textbook - probably to stop themselves from bursting into hysterical laughter at the sight of Tony's face.

"Yes Peter." Rhodey nodded, biting his lip. "He is your dad."

"He's clearly out of it." Tony cleared his throat, shaking his head. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. I mean yes, he's our son, but he doesn't want to call us mom and dad. He's never given an indication of that yet, so why - "

"Hey Tones." Rhodey cut off his friend's rambling, walking over until he could pat the other man on the back. " _In vino veritas_."

"I'm tellin' the twooth." Peter sat up shakily, glaring at Tony. "I call you dad in ma head all the time. An' ish hard not to call you dat ou'loud."

Nothing but Peter's breathing could be heard for the next few moments as they processed what the boy had said.

"I wan' to be you're shun." The teen sniffled, brown eyes looking suspiciously wet. "Cuz if you're ma parensh then I'm your shun, right?"

"So you found the papers, huh?" Tony walked over, sitting down on Peter's other side. The boy immediately curled up to the older man, keeping his feet on Pepper's lap.

"Uh-huh."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Pepper gently took off Peter's shoes, smiling gently when he let out a sigh of pleasure.

"Why din' you?" Peter shot back, wrapping his arms around Tony. "I love you shooo much. Why din' you fink I wan'ed to be your kid?"

"Because we're stupid." Tony stroked the child's curls, tilting his head back with a rueful smile. "So, so, stupid."

 "Sho, sho, shtupid." Peter parroted, nodding sagely.

"Do you see why communication is so important?" Bruce grinned. "You could have saved yourself time and turmoil if you'd just, I don't know,  _talked_ to each other."

"We've just established that they're stupid." Happy deadpanned. "Common sense goes over their heads."

"I'll fire you." Tony muttered, scooting closer to Pepper. His fiancée dropped her head to his shoulder, their son still spread out between them.

"Pe'er Shtark." The kid whispered dreamily, eyes drooping closed. "Shounds good to me."

Pepper covered her mouth with her hand, unable to keep the moisture in her eyes from falling. Tony on the other hand, swallowed audibly, his throat bobbing.

Now James Rhodes had seen too much in his life, but he'd never seen the moment two people realize that they were parents in every sense of the world. He looked back at Bruce and Happy, both of whom were taking in the scene in front of them with soft fondness that he was sure was mirrored on his own face.

There were many things that he had wanted to say to Tony when he found out how young Peter was, but he'd kept those words to himself after seeing the self-loathing in the younger man's eyes. He'd watched as Tony had made mistakes, watched as he'd learned and grown because of Peter,  _for_ Peter.

He'd watched as an insecure man who had been let down by so many grow into a role he had no training for. Not Iron Man, but a dad. He'd watched as a child as pure as Peter had seen past the metal shell, seen past the sarcasm and the facade of narcissism until all that remained was Tony Stark for who he was.

A good man.

That same pure child who had been through hell in such a short time had looked up to Tony as a father, had found another mother in Pepper, had tied a group of people together as more than just teammates and friends, but as a family.

"Yeah kiddo." Tony let out a wet laugh. "It sounds fantastic."

But Peter was already asleep, snorting lightly on his father's shoulder.

"He's gonna be the death of me." The man took a deep breath, shifting Peter until he was more comfortable.

"Congratulations." Rhodey beamed, saying the same words he would say when one week later when Peter Parker officially became a Stark. "It's a spiderson."

"Yay us." Pepper gazed down at her son, tickling his feet. The kid twitched, mumbled something inaudible, and face planted right in Tony's lap.

"Yay us." Tony agreed. " But he's still never drinking again until he's twenty-one." He added sternly. "Once is enough for him to learn his lesson."

"Okay dad." Happy rolled his eyes. "He's a teenager. Are you going to monitor his every move?"

"He already does that." Bruce muttered.

"He's not drinking until  _I'm_ ready for him to drink." Pepper raised a brow, daring anyone to talk back. "Got it?"

"Got it." 

"Good."

"More jooosh pleash." Peter slurred in his sleep, letting out an impressive burp.

The adults just stared.

"He's never drinking again." Pepper affirmed, sighing with the weariness of a combat veteran.

"But it tashtes shoooo good." Peter moaned. He shifted until his head was on Pepper's lap with his feet on Tony's. 

"Never. Again." Tony palmed his face. "For the sake of our sanity."

"Tashtes better than the shandwich I had from the dumpshter for dinner last night." The kid murmured, not quite asleep, but not awake either.

"I can't  _even_ right now." Rhodey doubled over, clutching his stomach. The laughter he'd valiantly held in all night spilled out.

Pepper looked disturbed while Tony was just a mood.

"He can literally buy whatever he wants! Do I need to up his allowance or something?" The man growled. "When he can get Grubhub, why is he going to the  _dumpster_?"

"Communication." Bruce and Happy chimed in together. "Let's work on it."

"Go. To. Hell."

While Tony desperately tried to regain his sanity because of his idiotic child, Rhodey just enjoyed the chaos. 

This was their new normal now.

And he absolutely loved it.


End file.
